His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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