Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
