saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
