its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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