Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just threw up on my dentist
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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