Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
