i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
