I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My ass is underappreciated
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
