Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
