who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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