i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
