idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
