i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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