Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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