I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
