I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
