Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
