Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
