Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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