I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
