I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
