I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
