'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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