her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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