doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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