normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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