You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
