Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
