If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
