THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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