Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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