In the future we'll all be gay
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
