Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
