My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
