Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This is my gift to your gina
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
