It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
