Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
