You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
