I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
