So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
