I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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