also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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