i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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