My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
