All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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