She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
