he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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