ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
