Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
