closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
