Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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