no, he came in my armpit
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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