How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
