Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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