I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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